Where I Am VS. Where I'm Going

Where I Am

I'm a high school senior that's 25 days shy of turning 19, and 36 days shy of graduating. I have a driver's license, but I can't afford insurance. Therefore, my mom is in charge of getting me to school and back, in addition to anywhere else I need to go. I hate doing that to her, even though there's nothing I can do about it right now. I don't have a job. I had one at the beginning of the year, but it proved too much to handle, on top of school responsibilities. After coming dangerously close to a nervous breakdown back in November, I decided I had to cut something loose, and my education wasn't an option. When I'm not busy with my studies, I'm kind of a homebody. I like hanging out with my mom more than I do my peers, actually. Maybe that's not healthy, I dunno...but I'd rather be with my mom who understands me better than my friends do. Maybe that's not a fair statement to make about my friends, after all, I know they try. It's just frustrating, because, sometimes I feel like I'm growing older and more mature, and my friends aren't growing with me. I feel so lonely sometimes. I wish I had someone my age that I could connect with better, I really do.

Where I'm Going

After I graduate, I want to take some time off before I go back to school. I need to get a job so I can start helping my mom out, along with pay for my own needs, like insurance and things that I don't want her to have to pay for. I'm a big girl, and as much as I know my mom would willingly pay for anything I needed, I know she doesn't have the funds to. I don't want her (or me) to have to worry where money is going to come from every week.

After I've saved a little, I'm going to enroll in cosmetology school. After years of wrestling with what career I want to pursue, this is what I have finally decided on. I've always been fascinated with hair, and make-up and nails ever since my mom used to give me makeovers when I was as young as four. It's something I love, and something I'm good at, so I might as well make money doing it.

After that, I dunno. I would like to get married and have kids. But I'm picky about guys. I don't want a sleaze, I want a guy who will care for me, love me, respect me...all that good stuff. I also want a virgin. I know that's harder to find among guys, but I don't think it's impossible. I'm a virgin in every sense of the word...I've never even been kissed! Why should I give everything up to someone who already give his away to someone that wasn't me? I don't want him to be more knowledgeable about the subject than I am...I want us to learn together. I may be in for a long wait, but I'm willing to do it. I refuse to settle and be miserable. I may not always think the best of myself, but I know I'm better than that.