In honor of the holiday, I plunked myself down in front of the TV and watched a couple of "Rifleman" episodes. I've been taping them almost everyday since we got Encore Westerns. I can't believe how many episodes I've never seen!
I have to say the Father/Son dynamic is the reason I watch. An episode just isn't the same to me if Mark isn't around for Lucas to put his arm around and give a piece of advice to. I guess you could say I'm living vicariously through them, since I don't have a relationship with my own father. Days like today is when it hits me hardest.
It's been six years since I've seen my dad, and I don't expect to see him any time soon. I asked him to come up and visit once, about three years ago. There was an Honors Banquet at school that I was a part of, and I really wanted him to be there. He didn't come though. He was too busy, and it was too far to drive. Of course, if you were to ask him, he'd tell you it was my fault.
I do hear from him two or three times a year. The phonecalls are usually about 5 minutes in length, and 4 of those minutes it seems are just an excuse to ride my case about how I don't call him enough, or about how bad I was for leaving him, and how he's "praying for me."
No, I don't call him. Why should I? So I can hear more garbage? Yes, I did leave him. I didn't have a choice. No twelve year old should have to suffer abuse, ever. If he's praying for me (which I doubt) all I can say is turnabouts fair play. I pray for him, too.
I won't lie and say that it doesn't bother me...after this post it would seem kinda pointless. But I can say that it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I've had to do a lot of growing between twelve and nineteen. It hasn't been easy. But I believe God will turn it for my good.
Here's a link to a video that I made about Lucas and Mark, in honor of the holiday. When I watch it, I just imagine that Lucas is my father, hugging me, and smiling at me, and telling me how proud he is of me. It may not be much, but it helps.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=3QzofvE5vCw
Me...
I'm never sure if I look more like my mom or my dad.
About Me
Subscribe To
Posts
Comments
2 comments:
Wowser, Liv, what a beauty you've become.
What's cool is that you have a Heavenly Father that loves you more than anything. He promises to be a Father to the Fatherless...and you know He's never gone back on a promise.
I haven't seen The Rifleman in a long old time. It would be so cool to watch a few eps with you.
Thanks, Erica. :-)
It would truly be awesome to do that with you sometime. Maybe someday we can figure out how to do that. ^_^
Post a Comment